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Christianity

How can the values of Christianity be used by abusers, and how can they also be used by some to aid healing? Sophia interviews survivor and Pastor Chioma Alade, as she shares her journey with the church and teaches on what forgiveness actually means for survivors of sexual abuse.


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About your hosts

A short description about the episode co-hosts


Christianity & Child Sexual Abuse Podcast (Video or Audio Options)

A more in-depth podcast episode, giving context and personal stories associated with the topic.


Things you should and shouldn't say when talking about Child Sexual Abuse in a Christian Context

A short video episode, focusing on two things you should and two things you shouldn’t say to someone who has experienced (or is experiencing) child sexual abuse.


Episode transcripts

Full transcripts and subtitles are available for you to download


A Recap

A written summary of the key advice in these episodes Production Crew/ Special Thanks

Find out who worked on this episode


Additional Tips

Any additional resources mentioned are highlighted here


 

About your hosts


Sophia - Founder of Secrets Worth Sharing

Sophia (she/her) is a survivor of child sexual abuse, designer and the founder of Secrets Worth Sharing, where she builds a community of having these difficult conversations with 'serious joy'.


Chioma Alade - Pastor

Chioma (she/her), a British Nigerian, endured childhood physical and sexual abuse in her home and church environment. Despite this, she's spent over two decades serving in church settings, witnessing its strengths and shortcomings in safeguarding and accountability.


 

Christianity & Child Sexual Abuse

In-depth Podcast, 1hr 13 minutes.


Don't like watching videos? Listen on Spotify instead!




 

Things you Should and Shouldn't say when talking about childhood sexual abuse in a Christian Context

Practical do's and don't's episode, 24 minutes



 

Download the Episode Transcripts



 

To recap...

Things you should say/do to support your partner who experienced abuse

Why?

Offer a gentle discussion around religion, if it feels appropriate

If relevant, you can open up the conversation to talk about religion if the survivor may find it useful and productive

Do try to find space for peace and comfort

Center the survivor's experience and needs and help when you can 

  • Give support and meet the survivors where they are in their journey 

  • Let survivors know help is available

Get to know God on your own, not just through someone else's words

Just because someone may claim to be Christian, it is up to you to find what resonates and what doesn’t

Remind others, especially those in the church, that sexual abuse is not the same as a sexual experience

  • Survivors can choose when their ‘first time’ is, for example, nonconsensual experiences cannot be classed as a first sexual experience due to the abuse

Things you shouldn't say

Why

Don't Blame the survivor

  • This is common sense but avoid blaming the survivor for their abuse 

  • Challenge harmful narratives and empower the survivor

Don't use language which minimises the abuse

  • Avoid minimising the abuse or using victim-blaming language 

  • For example, language such as ‘affairs’ can be damaging especially when talking about cases of abuse with a minor 

  • For example, children do not have affairs with adults as they cannot consent

Don't 'just' pray

  • Saying something like ‘I’m praying for you’ or ‘I’m thinking of you’ can be seemingly kind, however some people may find it actionless 

  • Make sure to add practical actions to the words, and give support in another tangible way, alongside prayer

Don't force forgiveness

  • Respect the survivor's timeline and process, forgiving people can be  complicated and nuanced, so allow the survivor to take their time. As we learn from Chioma, forgiveness and reconciliation are different. Our churches should not be encouraging reconciliation with someone who has abused, especially if that still puts the survivor in harm. Forgiveness is different and is a letting go of those emotions.  

  • Also, don’t force religion on someone as part of this forgiveness journey 

Don't cover up the abuse or choose to support people who want to cover up the survivor's experience

  • Don't protect abusers or enable their behaviour 

  • This includes individuals and also institutions such as the church 

  • By covering up abuse, you don’t give room for abusers to repent for their actions

 

Production Crew / Special Thanks

  • Editing and Subtitles - Tom Eames

 

Additional resources and tips





Statistics on child sexual abuse | NSPCC Learning (slightly updated stats as of 2024)







*Please note - in sharing resources mentioned by our co-hosts, we are not necessarily endorsing all of their content, but we do so to allow you to make up your own mind.





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