FAQs

‘Survivor’ has become a common catch-all term to talk about those who experienced sexual harm. Not everyone likes this term, because they wouldn’t describe themselves as having ‘survived’ what they experienced. Some people also find this word to be too much of a title, not wanting to define themselves by what they experienced. 

The word ‘victim’ has many connotations with the law, which some people don’t like as it is the language used by police and other institutions to reduce the person to the by-product of a crime. While some people like the word ‘victim’ to appropriately reflect the seriousness of their experience, others find the word patronising and othering. Some people may never report what they went through and feel isolated from this term. 

We think the most inclusive term to use is ‘someone who experienced sexual harm’.We use survivor when speaking specifically of survivors of crime experiences, when relevant. We recognise that this can be impractical sometimes, like when writing essays with word counts for funding bids. When this happens, we default to ‘survivor’.

This might shock you…. not all people who sexually abuse children are paedophiles. A paedophile is someone who is solely sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. There are other types of sexual attraction towards children, such as Hebephilia (a sexual interest in early-puberty adolescents) and ephebophilia (mid- to late-teen adolescents). It is possible to have a sexual attraction to children and never sexually harm them. 

We do not use the word paedophile as it is not an accurate term to talk about all people who cause sexual harm. Many people who sexually abuse children also have sexual relationships with adults, which is the case with most parents who sexually abuse. It also doesn’t cover sexual harm between children of the same age group, as a paedophile must be 5 years older than the child’s age group that they are sexually attracted to. To use a term like ‘paedophile’, we imply that those who sexually harm are a group outside of our communities, which is less often the case.  

In a similar way to the word ‘victim’, the word ‘perpetrator’ has many connotations with the law, which some people don’t like as it is the language used by police and other institutions to reduce the person to the crime they committed. Some people may never report what they went through and so ‘perpetrator’ would feel like a formalised and inappropriate word to relate to their experience. 

At Secrets Worth Sharing, we used to refer to people who sexually abuse as ‘abusers’ in old content. We have since been reflecting on this and feel that that term can be simplistic and reductive, referring to that person only as the sexual act of harm they have caused and nothing else. We now use the phrase ‘someone who has sexually harmed’ or ‘someone who has caused sexual harm’, feeling like it is more inclusive to a majority of experiences.

We know that it can be emotionally difficult to talk about using more ‘inclusive’ language for a group of people who have harmed us. However, our thinking on this is essential to our view of radical justice as an organisation: in order to have accountability and true change, we believe that we need to stop seeing people as ‘good’ and ‘bad’, and more people who engage in ‘good’ and ‘bad’ actions. This is the only way that we can educate about sexual harm without shame and provide meaningful change to prevent further and future harm. 

For more information about the terminology around sexual attraction to children, visit the Stop it Now website.

At Secrets Worth Sharing, we mix between the words ‘sexual harm’ ‘sexual violence’ and ‘sexual abuse’. ‘Sexual Abuse’ is the most common term when talking about these experiences in legal and organisational settings. However, many children would not use the word ‘abuse’ to describe their experiences as they don’t know what that is. We have often met many people in our community who only learned that they experienced childhood sexual abuse when attending one of our workshops because they didn’t know it involved so many different types of experiences. 

Some groups believe that saying sexual ‘violence’ has more harsh and direct connotations and should be used so that people understand the seriousness of sexual harm like any other form of abuse.  

We have recently been pivoting towards using ‘sexual harm’ more. While the word sexual harm is more vague, it’s also more subtle and less scary for those approaching this topic for the first time. More people can identify with experiencing ‘harm’ over ‘abuse’. As part of being an approachable platform, we try to use everyday words which more people will use. 

We do not judge or compare different types of abuse, and feel that to do so only creates a toxic comparison between people who have experienced sexual harm, for example, thinking that rape from a stranger is worse than intrafamilial rape, or believeing that non-contact abuse doesn’t count as ‘real’ abuse. Instead, we should recognise that all sexual violations are bad. To support this, we try where possible to avoid using the word ‘extreme’, instead focusing on ‘normalised’ and ‘non normalised’ harm. For example, catcalling is a form of sexual harm, but is more societally normalised than physical molestation.

To learn more about the normalisation scale visit this continuum of violence resource.

The term ‘grooming gang’ is a made-up name used to describe groups who participate in child sexual exploitation (CSE). It has no legal grounding. 

Most of us have seen depictions of human trafficking and modern slavery in popular culture, in which highly organised criminal networks are responsible for the exploitation. In reality, survivor testimony and a growing body of academic research shows that exploitation can also be opportunistic, undertaken by individuals, or a very small number of people. Survivors of CSE are not more or less ‘valid’ based on the number of perpetrators in their case.

Grooming is only one of many methods used to sexually exploit children. Kidnapping, use of force, threats of violence, blackmail, and claims around real or invented 'debt’' are other methods used. Sometimes, the child’s age alone is what allows the exploitation to take place. 

Under international law, survivors of CSE have certain rights they are entitled to as victims of modern slavery and human trafficking. This includes counselling, safe housing, advice and compensation. These rights are accessed under the Modern Slavery Act, regardless of whether the victim is British or another nationality.

In contrast, being a ‘grooming gang’ survivor does not carry any rights under international law. It is a relatively new invention which is not recognised by law enforcement or the criminal justice system. It is vital that we use the right terms so that survivors can identify the crime by its recognised name and access relevant support without delay.At Secrets Worth Sharing, we have noticed an alarming increase in the use of the word ‘grooming gang’ being used by UK media, often to refer to groups of South Asian men who sexually exploit children. This can lead to false assumptions that only these groups sexually exploit children. Using this term therefore is against our values of being an anti-racist and anti-colonial organisation. It is important to remember that no racial or ethnic group is ‘more likely’ to abuse than another, and that using a term with no constitutional grounding to refer to these groups can cause more racial and sexual harm. 

This section was greatly influenced by After Exploitation, an advocacy group investigating hidden injustices facing survivors of severe exploitation in the UK.  To learn more about  childhood sexual exploitation and see the research from the CSA Centre.